21 February, 2008
20 February, 2008
No more Elf Oil.
On the way home from Aqua Team Yoga Force Ashtanga Training, I went by the establishment that was recent selling Elf Oil. Well, obviously, the ASPCE (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Elves) nipped that in the bud. The store is now advertising Muff l s. Doesn't Muff l s sound like special clothing for elves? They actually sound nice and warm.
No seriously, if you don't have enough letters to spell Mufflers, why not put something else on sale? Something that doesn't require an e or an r. Sushi? Hyacinths? Yoga socks? Onion dip?
However, something doesn't make sense. They had an e for the Elf Oil. Maybe some Elfin activist stole some letters in protest to the unethical treatment of elves. We never found out if they were squeezing elves to extract oil from them, or if they were selling oil that one could apply to one's Elfin acquaintances.
p.s. Yes, leprochauns are elves!
Street cred.
I want street cred. I want to be able to comfortably say "This is how I roll." But, I just don't have the street cred to get away with saying things like that.
Just imagine this scenario...I'm at Starbucks trying to get a Soy Cafe Americana with decaf instead of espresso. I've tried twice now and have been met with resistance. If they give me any lip and argue with me that the drink is made with espresso and espresso only, I could say, "Give me the darn drink with decaf, beyotch. Why? Because this is how I roll. Oh, and please don't forget to use soy milk."
Or, I'm at the library. I want to renew the book I took out on needlepoint. But, alas, I don't have my library card with me. I could say, "Give me the darn book, beyotch. Who cares that I don't have my card with me? I don't need to carry a darn library card. This is how I roll. Oh, would you mind giving me a bag as well. It's a tad drizzly outside."
But life doesn't work like that. And I don't actually roll like that. I can't get away with the street lingo. Oh well.
Just imagine this scenario...I'm at Starbucks trying to get a Soy Cafe Americana with decaf instead of espresso. I've tried twice now and have been met with resistance. If they give me any lip and argue with me that the drink is made with espresso and espresso only, I could say, "Give me the darn drink with decaf, beyotch. Why? Because this is how I roll. Oh, and please don't forget to use soy milk."
Or, I'm at the library. I want to renew the book I took out on needlepoint. But, alas, I don't have my library card with me. I could say, "Give me the darn book, beyotch. Who cares that I don't have my card with me? I don't need to carry a darn library card. This is how I roll. Oh, would you mind giving me a bag as well. It's a tad drizzly outside."
But life doesn't work like that. And I don't actually roll like that. I can't get away with the street lingo. Oh well.
Full contact copy editing.
Dear reader,
You've realized by now that I am a tad clumsy some times. Or that I tend to do really stupid things. Well, the culmination of my gifts has paid off. I have finally received a copy editing injury.
Here's how it all went down. My coworker came into my office. She needed a word spelled. I have three dictionaries. I opened the one I though appropriate to spell her word. I thumbed rapidly through the dictionary until I came upon what I thought would be the correct page. I scanned the page eagerly, hopefully, and yes, I found her word. I was so excited, I felt so triumphant that I slammed my hand down on the dictionary page in jubilation. Bad move. I hurt my hand. Not seriously. No broken bones. But, man did I slam it down hard. The word? Oh, Honduras.
So, what did I learn about this turn of events?
1) I am a big geek
2) I am a big geek
3) I am a big geek
Next time I look up a word in the dictionary, I will act calmly, without expectation as to the outcome of my findings. I will search for correct spellings with a more yogic attitude. Either that or I’m going to have to find softer dictionaries!
You've realized by now that I am a tad clumsy some times. Or that I tend to do really stupid things. Well, the culmination of my gifts has paid off. I have finally received a copy editing injury.
Here's how it all went down. My coworker came into my office. She needed a word spelled. I have three dictionaries. I opened the one I though appropriate to spell her word. I thumbed rapidly through the dictionary until I came upon what I thought would be the correct page. I scanned the page eagerly, hopefully, and yes, I found her word. I was so excited, I felt so triumphant that I slammed my hand down on the dictionary page in jubilation. Bad move. I hurt my hand. Not seriously. No broken bones. But, man did I slam it down hard. The word? Oh, Honduras.
So, what did I learn about this turn of events?
1) I am a big geek
2) I am a big geek
3) I am a big geek
Next time I look up a word in the dictionary, I will act calmly, without expectation as to the outcome of my findings. I will search for correct spellings with a more yogic attitude. Either that or I’m going to have to find softer dictionaries!
It's official...
...I'm officially obsessed with online Scrabble! When I used to play Tetris a lot, I would look at the world as if it had building blocks I had to arrange. When I was at that job where we would have races to see who could finish the Detroit News, Detroit Free Press and New York Times crossword puzzles quickest, I would dream in crossword puzzlese. Literal crosswords would come out of people's mouths as they talked. Well, I'm finally there with Scrabble. It is around 4:45 am and I just awoke from a dream: My coworker, who is a really nice guy, wanted me to commit a felony. It was spelled out on a Scrabble board. I had to figure out what the word meant, and then I had to, well, commit the crime. The word was "dreac." I just looked it up and there is no such word. Very disturbing dream, nonetheless.
17 February, 2008
Agatestone's psyche.
Perhaps I showed way too much of my psyche today. For instance, the Yoga Team Aquaforce now knows that I hate the smell of Oreos and popcorn. They also know that I am anti eating and driving. Furthermore, and hopefully you will back me up on on the non-weirdness of this, CW, they know that I can and have actually planned an entire evening (movie, satisfying beverage, etc.) around a good piece of chocolate. And lastly, they know, and this is something I don't think I ever told you, dear Breakfast Czar, but crazy Mrs. Sutherland down the street fed us all Bonz dog biscuits one day. It was during the summer of the broken elbow, which, I forgot to tell you, Winter, is the reason I can crazy bend my elbow backwards.
Ok, no more exposing my psyche! I'm going to be a closed book from now on (yeah, that promise will last for about 12 hours!). Instead, I'll start telling funny stories of things my sister did!
Ok, no more exposing my psyche! I'm going to be a closed book from now on (yeah, that promise will last for about 12 hours!). Instead, I'll start telling funny stories of things my sister did!
15 February, 2008
The world does not revolve around me.
The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me.
11 February, 2008
The Case of the Nefarious Ninja Kung Fu Pirates.
When we last left our fearless (and judgmentless) Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team, they were non-reacting without expectation at the thwarting of a series of crimes in Berkley, Michigan. Click here to learn more about the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team. Today, however, Maddie, the team's double-jointed chakra healer (and Web designer) received an urgent telephone call on the super secret rainbow phone. It was the prime minister of the small Central American nation of Belize.
"Hello Right Honorable Said Musa" exclaimed Maddie. "What can the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team help you with today?" she asked.
"Well, Maddie," answered the Right Honorable Said Musa in the official language of Belize, English. "We have an urgent shipment of much-needed yoga mats approaching Belize near the 322 km long Belize Barrier Reef, and we have intercepted intelligence reports that a nefarious band of Ninja Kung Fu Pirates are on a course to intercept the ship and steal the yoga mats. Please, I need the help of the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team. Can you help?" the Right Honorable Said Musa pleaded.
"Of course," answered Maddie, alarmed at the thought of Ninjas and Kung Fu guys banding together to spread havoc, produce poorly written action movies, and generally terrorize the high seas. "We'll be there as soon as possible," she said as she lit a nag champa candle, which began spreading its gentle awakening aroma and healing light out across the world, reaching the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team (and Dharma the Robot), and tenderly informing them that they must assemble to fight crime...or possibly the message was that they needed to assemble to learn Ashtanga Yoga. ( The team was still getting the bugs out of the warning system.) They used to use cell phones to contact each other, but the constant ringing and the swooping off into the dark to fight crime was making people suspicious. They then tried the tangy scent of just-opened tangerines as a warning scent, but Dharma the Robot had started rusting from the tangerine juice. Then they began tying notes to specially trained squirrels to communicate with each other about crimes...and yoga class schedules, but Winter was petrified of squirrels and would run in the opposite direction when she would hear the chirping of an approaching messenger squirrel. So, the team was now trying the gentle scent of a nag champa candle to communicate with each other.
Winter arrived at the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team clubhouse first, anxiously checking the room for loose squirrels, followed by Lidia. Dharma the Robot arrived a short time later, by air of course. Gabe, the team's technician, had been tinkering with Dharma and had recently added retractable propellers to Dharma the Robot's arsenal of chanting, meditation, healing...and fire prevention powers.
But where was Cassandra, the team wondered? Lidia activated Dharma the Robot's GPS radar/sonar system and after a few blips and bloops, located Cassandra. The radar showed that Cassandra was mere blocks away, at the Berkley Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar. The team, along with Dharma the Robot, was alarmed, sure that Cassandra was being held at the Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar against her will. (The Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team had various run-ins with the Thai Tai Chi practicioners, and almost came to, well, intense non-reaction over arguments concerning the proper way to meditate (the yoga practicioners were partial to listening to a singing bowl, while the Thai Tai Chi "gang" preferred staring at a candle). There was bad blood between the two groups. Plus, it was well-known in the Yoga Crime Fighting Community that Cassandra hated...or rather did not actively pursue, with any judgment, the drinking of bubble tea.) The team began to assemble a search and rescue party. But first, they needed to meditate.... To Be Continued.
"Hello Right Honorable Said Musa" exclaimed Maddie. "What can the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team help you with today?" she asked.
"Well, Maddie," answered the Right Honorable Said Musa in the official language of Belize, English. "We have an urgent shipment of much-needed yoga mats approaching Belize near the 322 km long Belize Barrier Reef, and we have intercepted intelligence reports that a nefarious band of Ninja Kung Fu Pirates are on a course to intercept the ship and steal the yoga mats. Please, I need the help of the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team. Can you help?" the Right Honorable Said Musa pleaded.
"Of course," answered Maddie, alarmed at the thought of Ninjas and Kung Fu guys banding together to spread havoc, produce poorly written action movies, and generally terrorize the high seas. "We'll be there as soon as possible," she said as she lit a nag champa candle, which began spreading its gentle awakening aroma and healing light out across the world, reaching the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team (and Dharma the Robot), and tenderly informing them that they must assemble to fight crime...or possibly the message was that they needed to assemble to learn Ashtanga Yoga. ( The team was still getting the bugs out of the warning system.) They used to use cell phones to contact each other, but the constant ringing and the swooping off into the dark to fight crime was making people suspicious. They then tried the tangy scent of just-opened tangerines as a warning scent, but Dharma the Robot had started rusting from the tangerine juice. Then they began tying notes to specially trained squirrels to communicate with each other about crimes...and yoga class schedules, but Winter was petrified of squirrels and would run in the opposite direction when she would hear the chirping of an approaching messenger squirrel. So, the team was now trying the gentle scent of a nag champa candle to communicate with each other.
Winter arrived at the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team clubhouse first, anxiously checking the room for loose squirrels, followed by Lidia. Dharma the Robot arrived a short time later, by air of course. Gabe, the team's technician, had been tinkering with Dharma and had recently added retractable propellers to Dharma the Robot's arsenal of chanting, meditation, healing...and fire prevention powers.
But where was Cassandra, the team wondered? Lidia activated Dharma the Robot's GPS radar/sonar system and after a few blips and bloops, located Cassandra. The radar showed that Cassandra was mere blocks away, at the Berkley Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar. The team, along with Dharma the Robot, was alarmed, sure that Cassandra was being held at the Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar against her will. (The Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team had various run-ins with the Thai Tai Chi practicioners, and almost came to, well, intense non-reaction over arguments concerning the proper way to meditate (the yoga practicioners were partial to listening to a singing bowl, while the Thai Tai Chi "gang" preferred staring at a candle). There was bad blood between the two groups. Plus, it was well-known in the Yoga Crime Fighting Community that Cassandra hated...or rather did not actively pursue, with any judgment, the drinking of bubble tea.) The team began to assemble a search and rescue party. But first, they needed to meditate.... To Be Continued.
08 February, 2008
06 February, 2008
Elves
Coming back from an exciting night of yoga crime fighting (more about our adventures later), I noticed a sign on a local shop advertising "Elf Oil." What the heck is Elf Oil? If I was friends with or knew an Elf, I would think it would be rude to apply oil to them. And G_d forbid, I sure hope this isn't oil made from Elves! That would be horrible.
Any ideas?
Any ideas?
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