No fun.

Gentle reader,

The last time we spoke, I mentioned that I haven't had any fun lately. Well, it has gotten worse. I now have a cold. Not the fun kind. And annoying, nagging cough and general feeling of sickness. Just what I needed to go along with my aching back. What's next? Locusts?

Update...

Well, all is quiet on the crime front, which is good because Karma the Robot is in the shop for upgrades to her chakra alert system.

I realized I haven't done anything fun in quite a while. It's all work, commitments, etc. I need to have some fun. Anyone have any suggestions? I'd like to actually go out in public and I really only have 1/2 hour blocks of time. I suppose I could bowl for a 1/2 hour. Or eat 1/2 of a pizza. Or watch 1/2 hour of a movie. Or...well, I really don't have any good suggestions. I did try to meet up with the Breakfast Czar for coffee but that fell through thanks to the fact that my grandfather got on a boat in Palermo, Sicily, 75 years and set sail for Philadelphia, where he eventually made his way to Detroit, a frozen tundra of despair and desolation. Why in the heck didn't he turn around and go back to Sicily his first winter here? What was he thinking? Anyway, not to blame Grandpa because he was a delightful man, but the weather barred BC and me from being able to enjoy an afternoon together.

Agatestone

Yoga Team Force

Gentle reader,

I know I told you that I was training to be a yoga teacher. However, I have decided to take that training a bit farther. I now want to be a yoga crime fighter. Why fight a ninja street gang with nunchucks or a band of Vespa-riding purse snatchers with mace, batons and attack dogs, when gentle lovingkindness will work?

I’d like to say that I am planning to assemble a team of yoga crime fighters, but megalomaniacal leadership is not one of the Eightfold Paths of Yoga. So, instead, a band of like-minded yogis are independently, without motive or expectations, bringing their energy together to peacefully fight crime through the use of calming yogic techniques…and robots.

And gentle reader, please don’t think of us as superheroes. We aren’t fighting crime for a pat on the back, extra grease for a squeaky widget on the robot, or even new, non-slip yoga mats. We are fighting crime because crime exists.

I want to introduce you to our band of yoga crime fighters. Names have been changed, because, as I said, we aren’t looking for admiration, just peace:

Winter - Her weapon is a singing bowl that she brandishes during violent crimes, instantaneously rendering the perpetrators into deep meditative states thanks to the bowl’s captivating vibrations. Once the perpetrators are rendered harmless, the robot comes in to disarm them. And of course, before the police come to carry away the criminals, Winter always dabs a bit of lavender gel on each criminal’s neck, just to make sure they have a calming ride to jail.

Linea – Her specialty is chanting the criminals into deep relaxation, and has been known to thwart crimes from the sound of a single OM. Linea even once stopped a harrowing prison riot with color visualization and the chanting of Shanti (peace) over and over again. Then of course, she sent in the robot to round up the inmates and put out the mattress fires.

Liza and Cassandra work as a team, or rather as individuals who, regardless of the outcome of their actions, independently brandish their own yogic techniques in tandem. Cassandra begins with breathing and grounding techniques, calmly instructing each criminal to steady their breath, clear their mind (especially of the fact that they are in the middle of robbing of bank) and feel the energy of the earth coursing up through their body, past their nylon stocking-masked face to the crown of their head. Once the criminals are fully grounded, Liza steps in, runs them through a few yoga postures, eventually disarming them by directing them into an elaborate one-armed handstand, allowing the robot to come in and apprehend them.

Dharma the Robot – Her main purpose is to uphold the order of the cosmos and the harmonious complexity of the natural world. Through the employment of nag champa incense, healing vibrations and a gentle but firm grip, Dharma aids our band of yoga crimefighters in keeping the universe peaceful and just for humanity.

Let's hope it never comes to this:

33%

Huh?

As I prepare for slumber, I hope that my dreams tonight are not as odd as last night. I was visiting Japan in my dream last night. Except for the fact that there were absolutely no Japanese people in my dream. I was visiting the ACF/CW (they kept morphing into one and then another) who was/were living in Japan. The gist of the dream was that I was dying to see the Famous Sideways Fountains of Tokyo. Yes, they were ingenious fountains. The water sprayed and retracted sideways, never a drop reaching the ground. But, I kept losing my driver's license, wallet, etc, so we had to keep pushing back our departure to the Famous Sideways Fountains of Tokyo. AFC/CW were getting aggravated with me. The dream itself then morphed into a familar dream of mine: purchasing sausages, cheeses, pate, and other finefood delicacies at some foofoo market. I think I also visited Tiger Stadium in my dream and well as, I believe, a countryside pie shop! Lastly, I believe I visited a natural history museum and a classic, old hotel.

My friends/relatives seem to pop in and out of these dreams. I know one night I was in a sled shop, buying a sled of course, and who should show up but the ACF and her entire family! They also came with me to Ann Arbor one night to purchase hot chocolate and menorahs. CW, I think you and I visit natural history museums in my sleep as well. I don't know who was with me the night I visited that famous musical conservatory to hear a student concert, but none of the students had any instruments. The conservatory was a scam.

I'm not sure who was with me the night the Martians were coming down to suck our brains out. All I know is that I had to hurry up and buy cleaning supplies. I didn't want to leave a dirty house for the Martians.



Anyone?

Matzoh!

I would guess that some people would decorate for Passover, but this is ridiculous!

Arghhhhh.

For the Jewish pirate in your life:

Money, money

So, I heard another story of some robbers smashing into a building and loading an ATM onto their truck, driving away with all of the cash. Why don't the banks get smart and put a GPS tracker on all of their ATMs? Just a suggestion.

Tuesday.

My list:

1) Apparently I am not a copy editor but am a "word massager."

2) I had a very good Christmas dinner of latkes. Only in my family does one eat latkes for Christmas dinner.

3) I am again living the life of a starving advertising professional. Please send food. Preferable not hummous, baba ganoush or bread, as those are all I seem to eat when I'm going through a busy time at work.

4) 60 degrees F in January. Crazy, eh?

5) Have I mentioned that I am really busy at work?

6) I had without a doubt the roundest matzoh balls I have ever seen, last night for dinner. How the heck did she get them that round? Magic, perhaps.

7) I just used my new Green Teapot (thanks ACF) and loved it. It's really pretty and holds quite a bit of water.

8) Chicken jerky? Does my coworker really have a bag of chicken jerkey on her desk? I've never heard of such a thing. I'm wondering if it is for her dog and not for her.

My list is complete. I have nothing more to say. My mind is a blank slate.

Snowy afternoon.