To any and all furry woodland creatures.

I request that you cease and desist this instant! I have waited all winter for my crop of grapes to come in. They came in. They would have been bountiful. Yes, "would have been."

I want to know which of you woodland creatures ate my grapes down to the nubs. That's right. I have a crop of nubs growing now. How would you like it if I stole into your den in the middle of the night and ate your acorns out of their hats? You wouldn't be smiling then, would you?

I toiled all spring to cultivate my grapes and you ruined it, you rodent you.

I think we need to meet. Rodent to Woman. We can negotiate. Maybe there's something I have that you want. Is it twigs? Do you need some twigs for your nest? I'll give you some of mine. I'm not using them.

I'm an understanding woman. Maybe it's hard to make ends meet for you, and you strolled past my grapes one night, and ate them, just trying to quench your hunger and not thinking of the consequences.

But, enough is enough. I'm willing to offer you six bunches of grapes if you leave the rest alone. You think it over and get back to me. This offer isn't going to last long.