Friday confession.

Is it weird that I own 18 lip glosses, including 9 that are not even yet open? Speaking of that, if you'd like a mango, vanilla or cotton candy flavored lip gloss, please let me know. I recently purchased an eight-pack, but I only like five of the flavors. I haven't even opened the packaging yet, but I can assure you that I will not even try the mango, vanilla or cotton candy. But you, dear reader, are more than welcome to them.

I really have nothing else to confess. My conscience is clear, for now. I'm sure I'll think of something and of course I will let you know, dear reader.

Oh wait, there is one other thing, but it's not a confession, just an anecdote:

I am dog-sitting for a friendly oversized miniature schnauzer who I discovered does not know how to spoon accurately when sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night. The dog was plastered to me, indicated proper dog spooning. Yet, her butt was in my face and her head was propped on my legs. I turned her rightways, with her head near my head, but when I awoke this morning, she had obviously turned herself around whilst I slept, as her butt was again in my face. Actually, as my eyesight is not the greatest, it took me a moment to focus as I wasn't sure what was in my face, her head or her butt. But, as my eyes became acclimated to the morning, I realized the horror of the situation.

Tonight, her training her begins.

Edited to add:

In my previous post, I lauded the cuteness of the green-dyed Poodle puppy. I want to add that I just came face to face with a pink-dyed Pomeranian and I must say: Dyed Poodle=Cute. Dyed Pomeranian=Not so cute.

Jumble of stuff.

Things I learned today:

The existence of Pomegranatinis. I really want to try one.

Poodle puppies looks kinda cute when their owner dyes their ears and their puffy Poodle tail green. Yes, I know deep down that dying your dog is cruel, but seriously, the doggie looked really cute.

Apparently, people talk on their cell phone even while jogging.

There's nothing like laying out in the sun listening to the coo of a mourning dove.

The existence of Hummingbird Cake. No, it's not a cake made up of hummingbirds. That would be gross. It is instead, carrot cake with pineapple.

Baby geese are cute, adolescent geese, not so much.

To any and all furry woodland creatures.

I request that you cease and desist this instant! I have waited all winter for my crop of grapes to come in. They came in. They would have been bountiful. Yes, "would have been."

I want to know which of you woodland creatures ate my grapes down to the nubs. That's right. I have a crop of nubs growing now. How would you like it if I stole into your den in the middle of the night and ate your acorns out of their hats? You wouldn't be smiling then, would you?

I toiled all spring to cultivate my grapes and you ruined it, you rodent you.

I think we need to meet. Rodent to Woman. We can negotiate. Maybe there's something I have that you want. Is it twigs? Do you need some twigs for your nest? I'll give you some of mine. I'm not using them.

I'm an understanding woman. Maybe it's hard to make ends meet for you, and you strolled past my grapes one night, and ate them, just trying to quench your hunger and not thinking of the consequences.

But, enough is enough. I'm willing to offer you six bunches of grapes if you leave the rest alone. You think it over and get back to me. This offer isn't going to last long.

Things you may not know about me:

I love blooper shows. The ones that feature TV show bloopers. Not the America’s Stupidest Idiot variety.

I am not a connoisseur of bread. Bread is great, don’t get me wrong. But, basically, its main job is to keep my fingers from getting dirty while I’m eating my sandwich. Anything else is a bonus.

Apple cider = yum.

Over the past two months, I have met two Australians, including one yesterday evening. The number of Australians I have met previously, in my entire existence? Zero.

Mind control.

Does anyone know of a good hypnotist? Seriously.

See, one of the symptoms of my allergies is ear ringing. The first time it happened, I rushed to the doctor, sure I was losing my hearing.

I was not going deaf, he assured me. He asked me what I had done the night before. I informed him I had been sitting outside all evening near freshly mown grass. He believed that the ear ringing was due to my obvious allergies.

So, the ringing eventually stopped but came back full force last year while I was going through an allergic period. It left yet again, but has come back this week, as I've been doing various outdoor activities and have been experiencing other allergy symptoms, including watering eyes, stuffy nose, etc.

So, here's the deal. I discoverd that my ears only ring when I think of the fact that my ears ring. So, if I could get hypnotized to never think of my ears ringing, well, I wouldn't notice that my ears were ringing. It's a sticky wicket for sure. But, it's going to be a long sneezy summer, so I have to do something proactive.

Evangelically.

At the market at lunch today, I was in line behind a TV evangelist. You know, one of those guys with the shiny hard hair and an over-makeuped wife. Well, his hair looked much softer in person, and without her makeup, she looked 20 years younger.

There's no moral to this story. No message. Just an observation.

First dream of note in a while

I haven't had any dreams to report in quite a few weeks. But in the middle of the night, I awoke from a horrible dream. The side drive, where we keep the trashcans, was covered with cubed turkey meat. And as it was summer, the meat was rotting and flies were gathering. I woke up before the conclusion, but it was a very negative dream.

Hopefully, I'll win an Emmy

Here's my TV show pitch, geniusly created thanks to theTV Show Pitch Generator.

A detective with a stutter reviews bad theater with a taste tester who hunts other people for sport. Stars Lindsey Lohan and Mary Tyler Moore. Genre: Action

Try it out.