she comes in shapes...

Things I learned this weekend.

2008-12-14T21:01:00.002-05:00

Chipmunks are not birds. Nor do they migrate to Florida in the winter, either by flying themselves or by hanging on to the backs of eagles.

Wild Turkeys are quite tall.

Sometimes, being pelted by wind, snow and ice isn't a bad thing.

There are many shades of grey.

Buddhist nuns can also be rap artists.

Chocolate cake doesn't always taste like chocolate cake.

English language

2008-12-11T09:04:00.002-05:00

Why do the words "smite" and "smitten" have opposite meanings?

Just wondering.

Agate

2008-06-27T18:03:00.001-05:00

damn you cows and your damn cow juice.

Tom Selleck?

2008-06-23T19:29:00.004-05:00

I had a bad dream last night that I'd like to share with you.

In my dream, one of the members of the Aquanaut Yoga Force Team was friends with Tom Selleck. So, he invited the Aquanaut Yoga Force Team to Tom's guest house. I have no idea where this house was. Tom's guest house was lovely, just lovely. My room was all white, beautifully furnished. Oh, and Tom kept photos of himself all over the house.

The dream goes downhill from there. As I'm checking out my room, I realize the the ENTIRE Aquanaut Yoga Force Team had left for a hike in the wilderness...without me. They were gone. :( So, I decided to practice some poses in my room. Unfortunately, when Tom decorated the room, he put in this really long shag carpet. So, every time I jumped back into plank, my legs got tangled up in the carpet. I was sad.

Sad kitchen appliance news.

2008-06-21T21:22:00.003-05:00

My dear cousin, the Chocolate Prognosticator or whatever the heck her handle is, I kinda forgot, just bought an ice cream maker. I really wish she had done some shopping around. Because I found the PERFECT ice cream maker. It's a dream come true, really.

Hello.

2008-06-21T21:13:00.002-05:00

If there is one thing you need to know about me is that I LOVE Hello Kitty. Seriously. And, I need this. This would sooo annoy people at work. But, it is sooo cool.

OK. So here's the deal...

2008-06-11T20:06:00.003-05:00

I had a great day today. Yeah, you heard me right. You haven't heard (read) words like that from me in a long time. Here are the reasons why I had a great day:

Work was steady

I stood up for myself and held my ground

I wasn't attacked by badgers

My favorite sandwich guy was at my favorite sandwich place

I saw some really nice people today

I got totally blissed out at yoga

I am totally loving everyone today, including that mean girl from seventh grade

Everyone around me seems to be in great moods

I spoke to my long-lost cousin, my not-so-long-lost cousin and my sister today

I'm planning an urban photo shoot with two of my dear photo friends

And lastly, just to restate an important point, I wasn't attacked by badgers

OK. So, here's one little teeny eenie problem. I usually run into bad Karma when good things go too good. So, I have this teeny tiny fear that everything is going to come crashing down. I hope it doesn't.

Love,

Agate

Some photos from the yoga retreat.

2008-06-11T11:49:00.000-05:00

Schedule

2008-06-11T10:25:00.003-05:00

For those of you keeping up with my official schedule, here's what's going on...

For dinner these days, it's been black bean dip and breadsticks. Yes, I'm again living the life of an advertising professional. But, it's even worse today. I haven't had time for laundry, so when getting ready for work today, I was forced to wear a sports bra under my top.

So, yes, I'm a tad busy. I'll try to keep in touch as much as possible. But, it looks like until July 4th, things are going to be craaaazy. I guess, if you'd like, you could send some bean dip and breadstick recipes. Right now, I'm going with chipotle hot sauce in the dip and garlic powder on the breadsticks. Any variations?

Love,

Agate

Huh?

2008-05-30T22:24:00.003-05:00

I was looking at some old text messages of mine. I found one that I sent to myself. Obviously a reminder of some kind. Of what, I don't recall. There were three words in this message: Zombies eat cake.

What the heck does that mean? Why would I send myself a text message saying: Zombies eat cake? It makes no sense. Do zombies eat cake? Aren't they the undead? Wouldn't the cake just fall out of their rotted heads?

Anyone?

Happy Thursday

2008-05-08T15:35:00.004-05:00

Yes, I am happy today. I took a surprise vacation day. It was lovely not to be at work. Yes, there was one drawback of being home. The annoying accident that befell me due slipping on a patch of mayonaise. Yes, only I would drop some mayonaise on the floor and slip in it. Yes, I'm fine. Yes, my elbow which I fell onto is fine. Sore but fine. Even though I have an aching elbow (yes, BC, it's the one I already broke once), I still am happier than being at work. I have spent the day working on photos. Reading (not scanning as usual) the newspaper, and just breathing. But, I guess my question to you Willow is if I know my arm isn't broke, as I can put weight on it and move it, and it just hurts, is there any reason for an x-ray?

agate

It's National Scurvy Awareness Day

2008-05-02T10:50:00.005-05:00

Passover is officially over...

2008-04-30T15:27:00.002-05:00

now that I ate the last of my mother's homemade chocolate-covered macaroons. MMMMMM. I miss them already.

My weekend

2008-04-28T07:34:00.004-05:00

After a week from hell, I finally had some respite. My weekend was wonderful. I only did three things: Temple, visited with my sister, and yoga. But these three things brought calmness and relaxation to my life. It felt very healthy. Plus, I ate a gizillion macaroons! So, all is well.

Love,

Agate

p.s. I spoke to a dear friend on the phone as well this weekend and her advice was very welcome and calming as well.

Buses

2008-04-20T14:35:00.002-05:00

Ok, dear reader,

I know, I know, I've been complaining a lot lately, but all I can say is that I guess this is the outlet I feel comfortable with to get things off my chest. So, here's one more...

It's a beautiful afternoon. It is definitely spring out. But, am I outside? Am I enjoying the spring Am I worshipping nature?

No. I am reeling from being thrown under the bus. In a series of e-mails between someone who is not you dear reader, I can assure you, I discovered I was thrown under the bus. One of those big double-decker tourist buses. And I just discovered who it was who threw me under said bus. I had thought that person was a nice person, but obviously not.

It's just an awesome afternoon! It's all puppies and rainbows here in Agatestone land.

I need a nap.

see post below

2008-04-19T15:59:00.002-05:00

Dear Reader, I've decided to forego life as a mime and will continue on the yogic path. I don't know what I was thinking!

Some of this may be true...sorta.

2008-04-12T19:50:00.003-05:00

So,

I know this will come as a shock to you dear reader, but I've decided to forego my plans of becoming a yoga teacher. Yes, I know I only have one class left. But, after much soul searching, it's time I decided to follow my heart. And my heart dear reader, does not sing the joyfull tune of yoga, but the melodic melody of mime. French street mime to be exact. My classes start next week. It's a 14-week course, and for the final exam, I must travel to an urban area and mime on a street corner. I will only pass the course if I garner at least $100 in donations. Any less, and I will become a mime-school flunky. I know, I know dear reader, you may think me odd. But, I can't help what I feel. Mime is my heart. Mime is my soul. I just never realized it until now. In fact, I was thrown out of sushi restaurant tonight. All for my craft. Yes, I was vigorously miming, but, of course, as it was miming, I was very quiet and surely not distracting anyone. Nevertheless, the head sushi chef himself came out from behind his sushi enclave and asked me to leave. It was mimism, pure mimism, dear reader. Well, I left. But I left a stronger person, dear reader. No one, not even you can dissuade me from my dream.

Love,

Agate

(Obviously, the miming isn't true. The getting kicked out of the sushi place is kinda sorta true)

Please, please forgive me.

2008-03-28T10:41:00.002-05:00

Dear, dear reader,

I humbly apologize for all of the complaints I have subjected you to for the past few weeks, either via this blog, on the telephone, by IM or in person. I am in a complaining mood lately. But, it is friday, and today, I will not complain to you. Or at least not complain too much. Here are some good things.

1) Yes, we have three inches of snow out there, but at least it is white and fluffy.

2) I'm having vegan pizza tomorrow night. Yay no cheese!

3) Work doesn't suck today.

4) My office isn't infested with badgers.

5) I don't have to hem the new yoga pants I recently purchased.

6) My socks match...today.

7) The smoothie place is selling HUGE cookies today.

8) I'm reading a book on how to heal the world. I'll let you know what I come up with.

9) I'm seeing Elvis Costello in July.

10) The world is filled with beautiful art and music.

Well, that's 10 things. I know there are other good things to talk about, like that even though we have 3 inches of snow on the ground, it smells like spring. If I can think of anything else, I'll update this list. In the meantime, have a great weekend.

Agate

I scream.

2008-03-23T06:47:00.002-05:00

Isn't ice cream the perfect drug to combat the nautical disasters in life? I had some soy ice cream the other night that was wonderful. Fluffy and ice creamy. I may go pick some up from the store and make that my drug of choice in these trying times of bad gallbladders (not mine), work horrors (yes, mine), not enough time in the days, manditory overtime combined with lack of time to eat (it's a wonder my fingernails haven't fallen off yet, the way I'm eating).

nautical disaster

2008-03-14T21:58:00.003-05:00

Life is such a disaster right now that I had to take desperate measures: I'm sitting on the floor, listening to a Bollywood remix and eating ice cream.

Friday

2008-03-14T06:18:00.003-05:00

Well, this excrutiating week is finally over. There is still time for disaster, as it is only Friday morning, however.

I could turn this post into a litany of complaints, because believe me, I have a bunch of them. But, instead, I think I'll just give a list of things I like right now:

Chihuahua puppies (I really need one)

Hazelnut Chocolate spread

Persepolis (great book! I haven't started the sequel yet.)

My new hat

The Lentil Soup at the restaurant around the corner from work. It's magical.

Banana/Papaya smoothies. I bought my first by accident. I had intended to buy my usual, a Banana/Pomegranate smoothie, but misspoke and said Papaya instead of Pomegranate. Much better.

Anyway, I'd like to say there were more things that I'm positive about right now, but I'm not getting too much outside stimulation from my cocoon these days.

Agate

I just realized something....

2008-03-09T21:53:00.001-05:00

It seems as if, these days, the more I learn, the less I know.

Pretty frustrating.

fake post

2008-02-21T22:06:00.000-05:00

...so that I don't have to see that stupid leprochaun anymore!

No more Elf Oil.

2008-02-20T22:39:00.006-05:00

On the way home from Aqua Team Yoga Force Ashtanga Training, I went by the establishment that was recent selling Elf Oil. Well, obviously, the ASPCE (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Elves) nipped that in the bud. The store is now advertising Muff l s. Doesn't Muff l s sound like special clothing for elves? They actually sound nice and warm.

No seriously, if you don't have enough letters to spell Mufflers, why not put something else on sale? Something that doesn't require an e or an r. Sushi? Hyacinths? Yoga socks? Onion dip?

However, something doesn't make sense. They had an e for the Elf Oil. Maybe some Elfin activist stole some letters in protest to the unethical treatment of elves. We never found out if they were squeezing elves to extract oil from them, or if they were selling oil that one could apply to one's Elfin acquaintances.

p.s. Yes, leprochauns are elves!

Tonight's Eclipse

2008-02-20T22:33:00.004-05:00

(click on photo to enlarge)

Street cred.

2008-02-20T10:45:00.005-05:00

I want street cred. I want to be able to comfortably say "This is how I roll." But, I just don't have the street cred to get away with saying things like that.

Just imagine this scenario...I'm at Starbucks trying to get a Soy Cafe Americana with decaf instead of espresso. I've tried twice now and have been met with resistance. If they give me any lip and argue with me that the drink is made with espresso and espresso only, I could say, "Give me the darn drink with decaf, beyotch. Why? Because this is how I roll. Oh, and please don't forget to use soy milk."

Or, I'm at the library. I want to renew the book I took out on needlepoint. But, alas, I don't have my library card with me. I could say, "Give me the darn book, beyotch. Who cares that I don't have my card with me? I don't need to carry a darn library card. This is how I roll. Oh, would you mind giving me a bag as well. It's a tad drizzly outside."

But life doesn't work like that. And I don't actually roll like that. I can't get away with the street lingo. Oh well.

Full contact copy editing.

2008-02-20T08:36:00.003-05:00

Dear reader,

You've realized by now that I am a tad clumsy some times. Or that I tend to do really stupid things. Well, the culmination of my gifts has paid off. I have finally received a copy editing injury.

Here's how it all went down. My coworker came into my office. She needed a word spelled. I have three dictionaries. I opened the one I though appropriate to spell her word. I thumbed rapidly through the dictionary until I came upon what I thought would be the correct page. I scanned the page eagerly, hopefully, and yes, I found her word. I was so excited, I felt so triumphant that I slammed my hand down on the dictionary page in jubilation. Bad move. I hurt my hand. Not seriously. No broken bones. But, man did I slam it down hard. The word? Oh, Honduras.

So, what did I learn about this turn of events?

1) I am a big geek
2) I am a big geek
3) I am a big geek

Next time I look up a word in the dictionary, I will act calmly, without expectation as to the outcome of my findings. I will search for correct spellings with a more yogic attitude. Either that or I’m going to have to find softer dictionaries!

It's official...

2008-02-20T04:56:00.003-05:00

...I'm officially obsessed with online Scrabble! When I used to play Tetris a lot, I would look at the world as if it had building blocks I had to arrange. When I was at that job where we would have races to see who could finish the Detroit News, Detroit Free Press and New York Times crossword puzzles quickest, I would dream in crossword puzzlese. Literal crosswords would come out of people's mouths as they talked. Well, I'm finally there with Scrabble. It is around 4:45 am and I just awoke from a dream: My coworker, who is a really nice guy, wanted me to commit a felony. It was spelled out on a Scrabble board. I had to figure out what the word meant, and then I had to, well, commit the crime. The word was "dreac." I just looked it up and there is no such word. Very disturbing dream, nonetheless.

Agatestone's psyche.

2008-02-17T20:06:00.003-05:00

Perhaps I showed way too much of my psyche today. For instance, the Yoga Team Aquaforce now knows that I hate the smell of Oreos and popcorn. They also know that I am anti eating and driving. Furthermore, and hopefully you will back me up on on the non-weirdness of this, CW, they know that I can and have actually planned an entire evening (movie, satisfying beverage, etc.) around a good piece of chocolate. And lastly, they know, and this is something I don't think I ever told you, dear Breakfast Czar, but crazy Mrs. Sutherland down the street fed us all Bonz dog biscuits one day. It was during the summer of the broken elbow, which, I forgot to tell you, Winter, is the reason I can crazy bend my elbow backwards.

Ok, no more exposing my psyche! I'm going to be a closed book from now on (yeah, that promise will last for about 12 hours!). Instead, I'll start telling funny stories of things my sister did!

The world does not revolve around me.

2008-02-15T18:02:00.001-05:00

The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me.

The Case of the Nefarious Ninja Kung Fu Pirates.

2008-02-11T00:29:00.000-05:00

When we last left our fearless (and judgmentless) Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team, they were non-reacting without expectation at the thwarting of a series of crimes in Berkley, Michigan. Click here to learn more about the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team. Today, however, Maddie, the team's double-jointed chakra healer (and Web designer) received an urgent telephone call on the super secret rainbow phone. It was the prime minister of the small Central American nation of Belize.

"Hello Right Honorable Said Musa" exclaimed Maddie. "What can the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team help you with today?" she asked.

"Well, Maddie," answered the Right Honorable Said Musa in the official language of Belize, English. "We have an urgent shipment of much-needed yoga mats approaching Belize near the 322 km long Belize Barrier Reef, and we have intercepted intelligence reports that a nefarious band of Ninja Kung Fu Pirates are on a course to intercept the ship and steal the yoga mats. Please, I need the help of the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team. Can you help?" the Right Honorable Said Musa pleaded.

"Of course," answered Maddie, alarmed at the thought of Ninjas and Kung Fu guys banding together to spread havoc, produce poorly written action movies, and generally terrorize the high seas. "We'll be there as soon as possible," she said as she lit a nag champa candle, which began spreading its gentle awakening aroma and healing light out across the world, reaching the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team (and Dharma the Robot), and tenderly informing them that they must assemble to fight crime...or possibly the message was that they needed to assemble to learn Ashtanga Yoga. ( The team was still getting the bugs out of the warning system.) They used to use cell phones to contact each other, but the constant ringing and the swooping off into the dark to fight crime was making people suspicious. They then tried the tangy scent of just-opened tangerines as a warning scent, but Dharma the Robot had started rusting from the tangerine juice. Then they began tying notes to specially trained squirrels to communicate with each other about crimes...and yoga class schedules, but Winter was petrified of squirrels and would run in the opposite direction when she would hear the chirping of an approaching messenger squirrel. So, the team was now trying the gentle scent of a nag champa candle to communicate with each other.

Winter arrived at the Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team clubhouse first, anxiously checking the room for loose squirrels, followed by Lidia. Dharma the Robot arrived a short time later, by air of course. Gabe, the team's technician, had been tinkering with Dharma and had recently added retractable propellers to Dharma the Robot's arsenal of chanting, meditation, healing...and fire prevention powers.

But where was Cassandra, the team wondered? Lidia activated Dharma the Robot's GPS radar/sonar system and after a few blips and bloops, located Cassandra. The radar showed that Cassandra was mere blocks away, at the Berkley Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar. The team, along with Dharma the Robot, was alarmed, sure that Cassandra was being held at the Thai Tai Chi Centre and Bubble Tea Bar against her will. (The Super Secret Yoga Crime Fighting Team had various run-ins with the Thai Tai Chi practicioners, and almost came to, well, intense non-reaction over arguments concerning the proper way to meditate (the yoga practicioners were partial to listening to a singing bowl, while the Thai Tai Chi "gang" preferred staring at a candle). There was bad blood between the two groups. Plus, it was well-known in the Yoga Crime Fighting Community that Cassandra hated...or rather did not actively pursue, with any judgment, the drinking of bubble tea.) The team began to assemble a search and rescue party. But first, they needed to meditate.... To Be Continued.

Hustle and Bustle.

2008-02-08T14:52:00.001-05:00

Elves

2008-02-06T13:09:00.000-05:00

Coming back from an exciting night of yoga crime fighting (more about our adventures later), I noticed a sign on a local shop advertising "Elf Oil." What the heck is Elf Oil? If I was friends with or knew an Elf, I would think it would be rude to apply oil to them. And G_d forbid, I sure hope this isn't oil made from Elves! That would be horrible.

Any ideas?

No fun.

2008-01-31T15:38:00.000-05:00

Gentle reader,

The last time we spoke, I mentioned that I haven't had any fun lately. Well, it has gotten worse. I now have a cold. Not the fun kind. And annoying, nagging cough and general feeling of sickness. Just what I needed to go along with my aching back. What's next? Locusts?

Update...

2008-01-30T15:10:00.000-05:00

Well, all is quiet on the crime front, which is good because Karma the Robot is in the shop for upgrades to her chakra alert system.

I realized I haven't done anything fun in quite a while. It's all work, commitments, etc. I need to have some fun. Anyone have any suggestions? I'd like to actually go out in public and I really only have 1/2 hour blocks of time. I suppose I could bowl for a 1/2 hour. Or eat 1/2 of a pizza. Or watch 1/2 hour of a movie. Or...well, I really don't have any good suggestions. I did try to meet up with the Breakfast Czar for coffee but that fell through thanks to the fact that my grandfather got on a boat in Palermo, Sicily, 75 years and set sail for Philadelphia, where he eventually made his way to Detroit, a frozen tundra of despair and desolation. Why in the heck didn't he turn around and go back to Sicily his first winter here? What was he thinking? Anyway, not to blame Grandpa because he was a delightful man, but the weather barred BC and me from being able to enjoy an afternoon together.

Agatestone

Yoga Team Force

2008-01-28T09:38:00.000-05:00

Gentle reader,

I know I told you that I was training to be a yoga teacher. However, I have decided to take that training a bit farther. I now want to be a yoga crime fighter. Why fight a ninja street gang with nunchucks or a band of Vespa-riding purse snatchers with mace, batons and attack dogs, when gentle lovingkindness will work?

I’d like to say that I am planning to assemble a team of yoga crime fighters, but megalomaniacal leadership is not one of the Eightfold Paths of Yoga. So, instead, a band of like-minded yogis are independently, without motive or expectations, bringing their energy together to peacefully fight crime through the use of calming yogic techniques…and robots.

And gentle reader, please don’t think of us as superheroes. We aren’t fighting crime for a pat on the back, extra grease for a squeaky widget on the robot, or even new, non-slip yoga mats. We are fighting crime because crime exists.

I want to introduce you to our band of yoga crime fighters. Names have been changed, because, as I said, we aren’t looking for admiration, just peace:

Winter - Her weapon is a singing bowl that she brandishes during violent crimes, instantaneously rendering the perpetrators into deep meditative states thanks to the bowl’s captivating vibrations. Once the perpetrators are rendered harmless, the robot comes in to disarm them. And of course, before the police come to carry away the criminals, Winter always dabs a bit of lavender gel on each criminal’s neck, just to make sure they have a calming ride to jail.

Linea – Her specialty is chanting the criminals into deep relaxation, and has been known to thwart crimes from the sound of a single OM. Linea even once stopped a harrowing prison riot with color visualization and the chanting of Shanti (peace) over and over again. Then of course, she sent in the robot to round up the inmates and put out the mattress fires.

Liza and Cassandra work as a team, or rather as individuals who, regardless of the outcome of their actions, independently brandish their own yogic techniques in tandem. Cassandra begins with breathing and grounding techniques, calmly instructing each criminal to steady their breath, clear their mind (especially of the fact that they are in the middle of robbing of bank) and feel the energy of the earth coursing up through their body, past their nylon stocking-masked face to the crown of their head. Once the criminals are fully grounded, Liza steps in, runs them through a few yoga postures, eventually disarming them by directing them into an elaborate one-armed handstand, allowing the robot to come in and apprehend them.

Dharma the Robot – Her main purpose is to uphold the order of the cosmos and the harmonious complexity of the natural world. Through the employment of nag champa incense, healing vibrations and a gentle but firm grip, Dharma aids our band of yoga crimefighters in keeping the universe peaceful and just for humanity.

Let's hope it never comes to this:

2008-01-25T09:44:00.000-05:00

33%

Huh?

2008-01-14T22:49:00.000-05:00

As I prepare for slumber, I hope that my dreams tonight are not as odd as last night. I was visiting Japan in my dream last night. Except for the fact that there were absolutely no Japanese people in my dream. I was visiting the ACF/CW (they kept morphing into one and then another) who was/were living in Japan. The gist of the dream was that I was dying to see the Famous Sideways Fountains of Tokyo. Yes, they were ingenious fountains. The water sprayed and retracted sideways, never a drop reaching the ground. But, I kept losing my driver's license, wallet, etc, so we had to keep pushing back our departure to the Famous Sideways Fountains of Tokyo. AFC/CW were getting aggravated with me. The dream itself then morphed into a familar dream of mine: purchasing sausages, cheeses, pate, and other finefood delicacies at some foofoo market. I think I also visited Tiger Stadium in my dream and well as, I believe, a countryside pie shop! Lastly, I believe I visited a natural history museum and a classic, old hotel.

My friends/relatives seem to pop in and out of these dreams. I know one night I was in a sled shop, buying a sled of course, and who should show up but the ACF and her entire family! They also came with me to Ann Arbor one night to purchase hot chocolate and menorahs. CW, I think you and I visit natural history museums in my sleep as well. I don't know who was with me the night I visited that famous musical conservatory to hear a student concert, but none of the students had any instruments. The conservatory was a scam.

I'm not sure who was with me the night the Martians were coming down to suck our brains out. All I know is that I had to hurry up and buy cleaning supplies. I didn't want to leave a dirty house for the Martians.

Anyone?

Matzoh!

2008-01-10T00:20:00.000-05:00

I would guess that some people would decorate for Passover, but this is ridiculous!

Arghhhhh.

2008-01-09T15:42:00.000-05:00

For the Jewish pirate in your life:

Money, money

2008-01-09T10:17:00.000-05:00

So, I heard another story of some robbers smashing into a building and loading an ATM onto their truck, driving away with all of the cash. Why don't the banks get smart and put a GPS tracker on all of their ATMs? Just a suggestion.

Tuesday.

2008-01-08T16:05:00.000-05:00

My list:

1) Apparently I am not a copy editor but am a "word massager."

2) I had a very good Christmas dinner of latkes. Only in my family does one eat latkes for Christmas dinner.

3) I am again living the life of a starving advertising professional. Please send food. Preferable not hummous, baba ganoush or bread, as those are all I seem to eat when I'm going through a busy time at work.

4) 60 degrees F in January. Crazy, eh?

5) Have I mentioned that I am really busy at work?

6) I had without a doubt the roundest matzoh balls I have ever seen, last night for dinner. How the heck did she get them that round? Magic, perhaps.

7) I just used my new Green Teapot (thanks ACF) and loved it. It's really pretty and holds quite a bit of water.

8) Chicken jerky? Does my coworker really have a bag of chicken jerkey on her desk? I've never heard of such a thing. I'm wondering if it is for her dog and not for her.

My list is complete. I have nothing more to say. My mind is a blank slate.

Snowy afternoon.

2008-01-03T23:06:00.000-05:00

Happy Blogiversary to me.

2007-12-24T14:24:00.001-05:00

Yes, today is the one-year anniversary of the creation of this blog. Did I change the world? No. Did I change opinions? Nope, don't think so. Was I ground-breaking? Not at all. Oh well. I'll try harder in the coming year.

Thanks for reading,

Agatestone

My morning.

2007-12-20T13:22:00.000-05:00

So,

The wisdom tooth is gone. Extracted. It had been giving me problems (I won't go into them as they are gross problems), so it's for the better. My jaw is sore from all the pushing and pulling. She said the other three need to come out as well. I am not looking forward to that. I will definitely ask for painkillers. None of this extra strength Tylenol that I'm on right now.

Am I in pain? Really, just my jaw hurts. I took the Tylenol right away and will take some more in a couple of hours.

Agatestone

Auuuugggghhhhh.

2007-12-20T09:07:00.000-05:00

Three words about the tragedy I'm dealing with today:

BAD WISDOM TOOTH

Wish me luck. That is all.

Anatomy of my day.

2007-12-16T21:23:00.001-05:00

9:10 a.m. Shoveling snow

9:40 a.m. Breakfast

10:15 a.m. After breakfast, I took something...I am not to familiar with it, but I think it is called a nop, nep...no, I think it's a nap. What a wonderful invention. You lay on the sofa under a couple of blankets and do absolutely nothing. I could get used to things like this.

12:00 lunch

1:00 Ran across the street to the Italian market for some dried fruit for the cookies I had just decided to make.

2:00 Mixing up the filling and letting it chill for a few hours.

4:00 I took another one of those things...what are they called? Oh yes, a nap. This one was good, but not as good as the first one. This one came with bizarro dreams. The Breakfast Czar and I were at the Rock and Roll Museum, except that it was a large park, with monuments to each of the bands. She was being way to reverent at each monument. She wanted a moment of silence at each monument...and this was even at bands whose members weren't even dead. The BC was aggravating me to no end.

7:00 Woke up from nap and watched a silly movie: 50 First Dates. I keep meaning to watch more Adam Sandler movies but I just never get around to it.

9:00 Dinner.

It's now 9:31. What a wonderful day. After this latest week of reading, reading, reading various ads for work, as well as Hebrew for my Hebrew class, as well as trying to memorize sanskrit words for my yoga teacher training, the only things I read to day were cookbooks.

Blizzard

2007-12-16T08:37:00.001-05:00

Yes, we're having a blizzard today and this is serious business. But heck, why can't we have Thundersnow? Apparently, cities near Port Huron (east of Agatestone Central) are experiencing Thundersnow. I want Thundersnow.

Tea, anyone?

2007-12-16T00:53:00.000-05:00

Thought for the day (or rather the middle of the night): If you make a cup of tea, and then put a cinnamon stick in to give it a little flavor, don't let the cinnamon stick steep in the cup of tea too long, as I just did. My cup of tea now tastes like Christmas potpourri! It tastes kind of forbidden, as it is against our nature to eat potpourri, yet, here I am drinking a piping hot cup of potpourri-flavoured tea.

Good night dear reader.

Winter

2007-12-16T00:22:00.000-05:00

Cashews.

2007-12-09T19:25:00.000-05:00

Dear reader, especially the Breakfast Czar,

I learned a new word today: Cashew.

Apparently, Cashew is the word coined for those of us with one Catholic parent and one Jewish parent. Cath=Ca and Jew=Shew, hence the term Cashew. I like it. What do you think BC? I found out that a friend of mine is a Cashew. She explained to me what the word meant and said that I too was a Cashew.

This week

2007-12-07T11:56:00.000-05:00

In no order in particular, these are some happenings of the week:

1) I saw a man with reindeer antlers on his head, casually walking down the street. Was he a some sort of man-reindeer or perhaps it was just a hat.

2) I was just sent a Hanukkah poinsettia, dyed blue, of course.

3) I eschewed cake yesterday as free work desserts offered after lunch have a tendancy to upset my Karma. It's happened before; it will happen again.

4) Odd dream last night starring cousin; rabbis; cousin's imaginary boyfriend who was actually a junkie from last nights Law and Order CI, whose hair, in my dream, kept changing colors; museum gift shops; and dogs.

Yawn.

2007-12-02T20:05:00.000-05:00

It's early.

I am tired. I am already in bed.

I cannot sleep. I am so tired that my eyeballs hurt, yet I cannot sleep.

Dream journal time.

2007-12-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

So, in my latest dream, I'm visiting my cousin in New York. I had gone out for a walk and was returning to his apartment building. I didn't have a key so a man let me in. In the lobby was a security guard. It was Tim Meadows, who used to be on Saturday Night Live. He wanted to charge me 20 bucks to go back to my cousin's apartment. I refused. Then, I turned around and there was a shipping pallet with a flock of monkeys sitting on it. They were very sad monkeys. According to Tim, the USPS had created a new mailing system and to test it, they were mailing monkeys around the country. Apparently, this was happening all over. I was very disturbed at this turn of events. I asked Tim to let the monkeys go free and he refused. He was worried about monkey germs. So, I was planning the monkeys' escape, but then Tim said it was ok for me to go into my cousin's apartment without paying the 20 bucks; I forgot about the monkeys and went about my business. The end.

To autopsychoanalyze this dream:

1) First of all, the man playing my cousin is not in real life my cousin and does not live in New York.

2) I just read a story about "famous space monkeys" who were used to test various NASA missions.

3) Tim Meadows....well I don't know why I was dreaming about him. I bet I read his name somewhere this week.

I'm sure there's a deeper meaning to this dream. I just have to ponder it for a while.

Illumination.

2007-11-30T16:01:00.000-05:00

Dear reader,

I keep seeing an advertisement for a "Battery Powered Candle." Well, wouldn't the correct term be "Lamp"? Didn't Mr. Edison invent a similar device many years ago? The advertisement is trying to make me excited over these new-fangled "Battery Powered Candles." But, I just can't rustle up enough excitement. Forgive me.

Again...

2007-11-27T16:10:00.001-05:00

Again I have nothing to say. My mind is blank. Or rather, it is full. Full to the brim. Want to know about Agatestone's current life: work and more work, reading for Yoga Teacher Training (yes, I'm becoming a yoga teacher), reading for Hebrew class (yes, I'm taking a Hebrew class), ushering at temple, ushering at the DIA (please, for the love of Allah, keep your hands off the artwork. Why oh why do people think touching works of art is acceptable?), watching as much Hugh Laurie as I can find on youtube, and trying to squeeze in a social life but frequently double and triple booking (my calendar is my constant companion.)

A dear friend of mine asked me, "When does Agatestone have time to be Agatestone?" The answer is quite clear - I have no time to be Agatestone. After December 29, I will be done with Hebrew and after March 23, I will be finished with Yoga Teacher Training. After my classes are over, I think I will have a full enough life just youtubing Hugh Laurie and ushering at my two ushering jobs (oh, and please stop chewing gum, running, and acting like you're at the mall, when in actuality, you're in a fine art museum.)

Tea anyone?

2007-11-13T00:38:00.000-05:00

Granted, I am not British. But, I have one question: Who meets for a tea at 8:30 at night? That's like having a bruncheon at 4:00 p.m, or eating omelets at midnight. It's just kooky. When I say "meets for a tea," I don't mean meeting for tea, like calling up the Amnesiac Concert Flautist and saying, "Hey ACF, let's meet for a cup of tea at Starbucks at 8:30 tonight." I mean actually having a tea party, with sweets and cakes and well, tea. Of course, there is no law against having a bruncheon in the afternoon, omelets at midnight or a tea party at 8:30. I guess I should try to be more openminded about time-displaced meals. I'll work on it. I'm sure the ladies who attended this evening tea party had a charming time. If not, at least they had cupcakes.

Odd conversation

2007-11-13T00:35:00.000-05:00

You haven't lived until you've heard an Orthodox rabbi leave the modest topics one would expect an Orthodox rabbi to speak of and then veer off into a discussion on necrophilia and stealing clothes from dead guys. Granted, he "confessed" that he thought necrophilia was the act of stealing clothes from dead guys, but I can't say that I'm completely convinced.

I'm still cringing.

Finally.

2007-11-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting a new mobile telephone. I found the one I wanted, the one I needed, the one I longed for, a while back, but it was much too expensive. Happily, today, they began offering a ginormous rebate. My phone is now bought. It will arrive in a couple days, I will activate it with my new carrier and all will be well with the world. Now if I could only get you to call me on each of your telephonic lines so I could capture your phone numbers instead of having to thumb them all in. You go first, Breakfast Czar! You've got the most phone numbers of anyone I know! Just call me from each of them! I'll let you know when my magical phone comes in.

Oh, by the way, I am no Pollyanna. I realize that the reason for the huge price drop is that a new model is arriving. That's ok. This is the one I want, even though it only has November 2007 technology. I think the next model makes tea and separates laundry. It may frost cupcakes as well. I'm not sure. Cupcake frosting technology may not arrive until February.

...And I'm a little bit rock and roll.

2007-11-09T07:33:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

I need to share with you my latest dream before it flits away into the ether.

Our scene begins on a beach. A giant green turtle is ambling along, ignoring the beachgoers who are splashing and tanning around him. I get closer to the turtle and I realize it is my friend Donny Osmond, dressed in a turtle suit. Donny sees me, squeezes out of his shell, takes off a kind of green leotard that covers his entire body, including his head and his feet, and explains to me that he wants to live his life out as a turtle. He turns and begins to trudge down the beach, hauling his turtle suit, planning to a find a new spot where he can live life anonymously as a turtle.

The end.

Questions:

Why Donny Osmond?
Why a turtle?

Obviously, Donny has been in the press lately. But not turtles. This is quite confounding.

Deep insight into my psyche.

2007-10-31T09:55:00.000-05:00

Hello Readers,

I've been known to share with you some of my deepests thoughts, but I thought that today, I will unpeel even another layer, uncovering an even deeper thought than ever before:

I know some people live their lives with a "What would Jesus do?" philosophy. Well, my philosophy is a tad different. As long as I can remember, I have lived my life with a "What would Laura Ingalls Wilder do?" philosophy. Strange, eh? Not if you realize that I spent great chunks of my childhood reading, rereading and soaking in Laura Ingalls Wilder's novels. I also sometimes wonder how Laura would relate to certain situations if she were around today. Of course, if she were still alive, she'd be 140 years old, but then again, she was a very spry woman.

Some folks dream of embarking on a pilgrimage to Jeruselem, Mecca, or Tibet. Not me. I dream of making pilgrimages to Pepin, Wisconsin, where it all began; Walnut Grove, Minnesota, where Laura grew up; and Rocky Ridge Farm in Missouri, where Laura and Almanzo lived out their lives.

Anyway that's it for this latest installment of "Let's Examine Agatestone's Psyche."

Into the Wild

2007-10-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

Go see the movie Into the Wild. Great movie. Probably the best I've seen all year. Three thumbs up!

Pudding.

2007-10-25T14:43:00.000-05:00

So, apparently today was "Take Your Pudding To Work Day," as we had an employee rolling a cart with two crockpots, and, along with a helper, spooning out pudding to unsuspecting coworkers. She dished out the pudding and he put the toppings on. Yes, toppings. It sounded wonderous. Yet, I was unable to enjoy the miracle of the pudding cart, as she ran out of pudding directly in front of me. She gifted the last of the pudding to three people who were milling about in the hallway nearby. Then, when she reached me, she realized that the pudding was no more. Both crockpots were empty. I feel sad and a bit lonely now.

Thought for the day.

2007-10-25T11:41:00.001-05:00

To paraphrase a recent sermon:

Don't let your iPod own you. Own your iPod.

Really says a lot about overconsumption and consumerism in America, don't you think?

Hello

2007-10-25T06:25:00.000-05:00

Hi,

We haven't chatted in a while. I have nothing to say in paragraph form, but I do have a list of items to offer.

Thinks I like:

Youtube
Wintergreen Altoids
....I can't think of anything else that I like (currently). This post is turning into a failure.
Oh, brownies! I love brownies.
Decaf chai tea with coconut
Blueberry tea
Dictionaries

Things I don't like:
Thesaurii
The realization that my car's windshield is full of ice and my brand-new ice scraper is still at work, the place where I was given it.
My alarm clock

Things to ponder:
The dream I had last night where I was in a running race. I was doing great, even though I was wearing jeans and my Dr. Martens boots. I wasn't winning, but I was holding my own. What a weird dream. These are really clunky boots that I wear when trodding through the trees on a photography adventure. I don't think it's even possible to run in them. They are my favorite boots, however. That must be why I dreamt about them.

Names people. Names.

2007-10-17T12:19:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am entering the National Novel Writing Month contest in November as I have done for the past few years. The goal is to write a 50,000-word novel in one month. I have failed each time I have tried, but my failure hasn't discouraged me from trying again.

Currently, I am creating an outline. And for my story, I will need names. So, here is your task if you chose to accept. I need names for a female protagonist, a male antagonist, and a male hero, all from Michigan. Various townspeople from Northern Michigan. An elderly female character from Poland. And, various people in Germany and Poland. I would appreciate some submissions for names if you are so apt. I know at least one of my readers has a connection to Poland.

Thank you for your time,

Agatestone

My nerd rating.

2007-10-10T21:16:00.000-05:00

Billy.

2007-10-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

This is my new friend Billy. I met him at an apple orchard. You should have seen him. An older, bigger goat head-butted Billy, trying to knock him off his rock. But Billy prevailed and in my eyes, is king of the orchards.

Day 2.

2007-10-09T17:02:00.000-05:00

Self portrait of me taken sometime during the day, which was spent at the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. I climbed one dune and a dunelet.

By the way, the swans in the last message had their big meeting this morning. As they arrived for work in the morning, they all gathered in a circle, facing each other. I assume they were discussing their agenda for the day. Honking, pecking, honking, eating wet grass (I know that sounds icky, but I walked down closer and that's what they were doing).

The view out my window.

2007-10-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

As some of you may know, I abandoned my sickbed for a trip to Northern Michigan. Yes, I am still ill. I was much too optimistic on my last post. But, I decided to go anyway, and I'm glad I did. Here is a photo of what I see from my balcony.

And here is a self portrait of me at the Potter's.

Better.

2007-10-07T19:54:00.001-05:00

I just wanted to let you know that I feel much better. What a difference mere hours make. Heaves in the morning, but an unexpected very thoughful present in the afternoon. I think the scales turned toward it being a good day around 4 pm or so.

Breakfast Czar...I miss you. We've got to get together soon.

Amnesiac Concert Flautist...I can't wait until our dinner. I haven't had Filipino food in forever. Yay Pansit!

Chocolate Whisperer...I can't wait until our lunch, be it Japanese or Irish!

Willow...thanks for the illegible chicken site or whatever it was called, with the funny kittens. It brightened my day.

Agate

Can we be honest?

2007-10-07T13:11:00.000-05:00

You may be wondering how your friend/cousin/sister is doing this warm, balmy sunday afternoon. Well, I have just two words for you:

dry heaves

Thank you. That is all.

Diagram of the mini-demic at my place of work.

2007-10-06T15:14:00.000-05:00

This how I was infected by this nasty strain of yuckiness, causing me great discomfort as well as causing me to have to cancel all of my familial and social obligations.

speaking of old TV shows...

2007-10-06T11:33:00.000-05:00

I really miss Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What a great show. Sarcastic, thoughtul. I still talked kind of Buffy-esque, such as when I say someone is "bendy" instead of saying someone is "quite flexible." I wondering if the shows are on iTunes. I doubt it. I assume there would have been buzz around the news.

editor's note: yes, I have found out that BTVS is on iTunes and I am currently downloading some episodes.

question:

2007-10-06T11:10:00.000-05:00

This is for my healthcare professional friends and family (and for anyone else who feels like answering). How the heck do you work around sick people all the time and not be sick all the time? It was inevitable that I would get sick. I was in the direct line of all of these coughing people. I wash my hands a lot. I take echinacea (yes I believe in it so please don't burst my bubble). And, still, I succumbed to their germs. I am even thinking about drawing up a diagram so you can see what I mean about beins surrounded by sick people.

Grumpily,

Agate

confessions of an invalid

2007-10-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

Actually, I'm not an invalid, but I can't get rid of this cold. I think it has something to do with the fact that I have three people (two within 7-10 feet and one within 20 feet), who are coughing in my direction, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. I had a cold last weekend, during the week I felt find, and now I have a fever, cough and general yuckiness. I had to cancel out on an excursion to the wilds of Detroit with cousins today and I will probably have to cancel out on a brunch with other cousins tomorrow.

So, what is there to talk about? Really, not a whole heck of a lot.

1) I am enamoured by a BBC quiz show that one can see on youtube.com, called QI. It is hosted by Stephen Fry, who I've been a fan of since Peter's Friends, one of my favourite movies. Check it out. Just search "Stephen Fry and QI."

2) I am sad about being sick.

3) When I do have a cold where I still feel like being mobile, I run over to the vegetarian Indian restaurant on the west side that serves a delightful, very hot (spicy hot) tomato soup called Rasam. It always clears out what ails me, and it is quite tasty. Well, last night, I was not in the mood to drive to the west side, so I visited our local Indian restaurant for Rasam. It was certainly not delightful and practically inedible. The soup was sour or bitter tasting. Or maybe my tastebuds are goofy. But, I took two spoonfuls, and put the rest in the fridge. I'll try some more today.

4) Even though now is the perfect time for me to finish this book I am reading, I just don't have enough eager or willing brain cells to want to read.

5) I realize that this is a negative post with no payoff in sarcastic humour. My humble apologies.

6) I believe that Willow has mentioned this before, but I am addicted to blogs that have opinions that are the exact opposite of mine. I don't know why I bother, but I can't help myself. It's a terrible habit. I know I'll get angry or offended after reading these blogs, but I can't get enough.

7) I think I'll have to continue later on. I really have nothing else to say. No thoughts or issues swirling around in my head, eager to get out. No real complaints (besides the cold and the icky Rasam). No praise for any foodstuffs as I am wont to do. Just blah. I guess, if you have anything funny to say or read, please e-mail or call me. Because feeling blah is very blah feeling.

Philosophical question

2007-09-30T20:56:00.000-05:00

Although one might ponder, "Agatestone. How in the world did you cause that Butternut Squash to catch on fire?", I think a better question would be, "Agatestone, how have you gone so long without catching a Butternut Squash on fire?"

Dear Reader...

2007-09-26T12:51:00.000-05:00

If you happen to find yourself in Tel Aviv, Jeruselem, or really anywhere in Israel, I would be eternally grateful if you were to run into a grocery store and pick up some, yes, Israeli Nesquik. It's a sad day in Agatestoneland, as I have finished my last canister of Israeli Nesquik. And I need more. No, I don't need more, I NEED more. Desperately. Longingly. Excrutiatingly. Israeli Nesquik is like crack to me.

Remember the Starsky and Hutch episode where the bad guys got Hutch addicted to Heroin and Starsky had to get him clean. Hutch was all sweaty and shaky and moaning, and Starsky kept feeding him candy bars, as they hid out in the local friendly pimp's hotel. Well, that's how I feel. Except, well, I am not sweaty or shaky, I'm not moaning, I haven't eaten any candy bars, and I'm not hiding out in the local friendly pimp's hotel. But otherwise, I feel just like poor Hutch.

Good or Not So Good

2007-09-24T14:48:00.000-05:00

Good: mint chocolate chip ice cream topped with hot fudge

Not so good: vegan mint chocolate mousse

They're both filled with chocolatey and minty goodness, yet, the mousse was unpleasant.

Morris Dancing.

2007-09-10T22:33:00.000-05:00

I recently saw an outdoor practice exhibition of the ancient art of Morris Dancing. And I have one question to post at you, dear reader. What is is about Morris Dancing that causes at least one barefoot Morris Dancer to abandon her practice mid-frolic and begin running madly in the street, chasing cars and bicyclists? All this while wearing kneepads with bells on them.

Are they being sarcastic?

2007-09-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

I just purchased a CD from an independent online store. One where you can get obscure music unavailable to mainstream music sellers such as Amazon or iTunes. I want to share with you the confirmation letter I received after placing my order:

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure
it was in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money
can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Sunday, September 9th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. We sure did. Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Sigh...

--
Derek Sivers, president, CD Baby
the little store with the best new independent music

2007-09-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

As I know next to nothing about this turtle, besides his name, Diego, I really have nothing to say about him. We met last weekend. Here's a photo of his wife/husband/offspring/cousin, Gordon, admiring a waterlily.

Here's a closeup of Gordon, posing for the camera:

It's a little-known fact, but my cousin the Chocolate Whisperer is a closet turtleologist who could help us further explain who these turtles are. Although, after consulting wikipedia, I have learned, hopefully correctly, that turtles who live in brackish water are called terrapins. As the water surrounding Gordon's manhole cover and Diego's log was exceptionally brackish, perhaps Gordon and Diego are terrapins. Who knows? Actually, I know someone who may know, the Chocolate Whisperer.

I kinda sinned tonight.

2007-08-27T23:13:00.000-05:00

So, it was 10:30 pm and I've decided on a whim to go to the local all night Meijer's. I had borrowed my father's van as my car is going through some work thanks to a mishap that I still can't write about yet. So, anyway, my father has a handicapped parking sticker that he got after some injury. I can't remember what. Well, it hasn't expired and it was in his car, so I used it. I think the Meijer parking lot is creepy at night and I don't like walking through it, especially at 10:30 at night. So, I took a handicapped spot, ran in, bought my items and left. I really don't feel guilty as I didn't do it out of laziness. You know me. You've gone shopping with me and know I don't mind a long walk in a parking lot. But, this was different. I did it because I felt safer parking closer. What do you think? Big transgression?

Mellow.

2007-08-27T16:02:00.000-05:00

So, there I am, relaxing, listening to, well, relaxation music. Can't remember the name of the song but for this purpose, we'll call it Chakra Healing Chant Number 6. So, the song is going along quite well. I'm relaxing more and more. All of a sudden, I hear the croaking of frogs. Whoever arranged Chakra Healing Chant Number 6 for some reason thought that the croaking of frogs would be relaxing. Well, they were wrong. I don't find frogs relaxing and I certainly don't find the unmelodious croaking of frogs relaxing. Next time I feel the need to listen to relaxation music, I believe I will fast-forward over Chakra Healing Chant Number 6.

It's almost as bad Chakra Healing Chant Number 11, which, right when one is at one's most relaxed, one is jolted out of said relaxation by the loud peal of a gong.

Whoever is arranging the current choices of relaxation music needs to realize that the pealing of a gong is quite startling, especially to the person to who uses relaxation music to help them fall asleep.

I have nothing more to say on this subject. It's just an observation.

Tomayto, Tomahto

2007-08-26T10:37:00.000-05:00

One word of advice to those of you who plan to pickle or "put up" as the traditionalists say green tomatoes. Green tomatoes are not a breed unto themselves. They are red tomatoes that have not yet gained their color. So, if someone, let's say their name was Zagetstone, were to buy a bag of green tomatoes during the week to pickle on the weekend, think of the shock Zagestone felt when she opened the bag of green tomatoes, eager to pickle them, but only to realize they had turned red. I...I mean Zagetstone was thoroughly disappointed. So, the word of advice is: When you get the bright idea to pickle green tomatoes, time is of the essence. Don't wait. Make haste and pickle the moment you get home from the market with your glorious bounty of green tomatoes. Don't put yourself through the anguish that Zagetstone faced.

Star

2007-08-24T22:06:00.000-05:00

Pictorial essay.

2007-08-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

I should have worn my lucky necklace.

2007-08-15T00:14:00.000-05:00

Before I left for work this morning, it crossed my mind to wear my lucky necklace, the one I used to wear when I had to take a test in school, and the one I try to remember to wear when I have to drive long distances on the freeway. The thought to wear my lucky necklace wasn't strong enough and I decided against it. Here's what happened because of my inability to listen to my intuition:

1) I was denied coffee at a coffee shop and forced to drink espresso instead. They said that's the way they make their Cafe Americano drinks and they wouldn't budge, even though I told them I'd rather have coffee. How hard would have it been to put coffee in my cup instead of espresso? Why did I want coffee instead of espresso, you may ask. Well, dear reader, the espresso's bitterness forces me to add sugar to my drink, while I drink coffee without sugar. I was trying to be healthy by avoiding the sugar in my drink, to no avail.

2) I did the stupidest of stupid things. I can't say what I did yet, because we've yet to figure out if I'm upset or not. Three of you already know what I did including one of you who was witness to my stupidity (you now need a nickname Aimee.) Let's just say that no one was was injured and although it's 1:24 in the am, I just employed some duct tape to correct the problem until I consult with a professional.

See, what should be understood is that as a whole, today was great. I had lunch with a friend. Went to a concert with another friend. Bumped into the Breakfast Czar and was able to hang with her this evening. All in all, balancing everything out, more things went right today than wrong.

It's been a long time.

2007-08-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Things I'm thinking about:

1) Why do I keep seeing the bendy girl from yoga class around town? I see her at Whole Foods. I see her at the movies. She's everywhere. I wonder when she finds time to practice being as bendy as Gumby.

2) Pumpkin gnocchi is easy to make and it tastes good too...

3) So is/does gazpacho.

4) Why is restaurant Greek salad dressing better than the dressing recipe I have tried to make from an authentic Greek cookbook? I've never been satisfied with homemade Greek dressing. What kind of magic do Greek chefs put in their salad dressing. It irks me to no end.

5) Do you think the neighbors thought I was weird as I was lying on the ground this morning on an old purple towel, taking photos of all of the mushrooms that have sprung up in the lawn?

6) How do you stuff a cocker spaniel in a purse to sneak him into the movie theatre? The woman at the movies today did. I guess her dog is very Gumbyish, just like Bendy Yoga Girl. I mean, we're not talking about a chihuahua here. We're talking about a cocker spaniel.

7) Let's talk for a minute about our olfactory systems. I pass a garden shop every day, walking to the omelet shop for an omelet. Walking to the omelet shop for a cup of coffee. Walking to the omelet shop in hopes that they'll stop selling "healthy" desserts like fruit juice-sweetened brownies and start selling something decadent. Anyway, as I said, I pass the garden shop on these trips. I always detect the scent of...something. I'm not sure what. It's not boxwood, but it's similar. It's not an herb, but it's similar. No one else walking with me to the omelet shop has every detected this aroma. And, I even went in the garden shop and asked them what smells so good in front of their store. They thought I was crazy. They said there is nothing special in front giving off a pleasing aroma. But, I smell it every time I pass the place. I guess I will never know. But why am I the only one who detects this scent???????

8) I have a problem that I wonder if the Chocolate Whisperer can solve. I wonder if perhaps she can detect different tones of chocolate just by looking a piece. I have acquired an abundance of these Special Snooty Hershey Chocolate squares. They have individual names like Aruba Chocolate or Flanders Chocolate. But knowing that doesn't help me figure out if the piece I select is bitter chocolate, milk chocolate or my favorite: semi-sweet dark. Help, Chocolate Whisperer. Save the day.

Sicilio-Judaic

2007-07-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

So, I was watching some stupid legal drama a couple morning ago and I realized that the lawyer was Jewish and the cop was Italian. And they were both very stereotypical. Why couldn't the lawyer be the Italian the the cop be Jewish? My inner Siciliana and my inner Jewish woman were both offended.

Employment opportunity.

2007-07-19T13:13:00.000-05:00

I went shooting (cameras, not guns) last night in the City of Detroit at a new park. It was lovely. There were two of us. Even though we knew better, we were both shooting at the same time. In the city, I've been warned by photography professionals that one should shoot (cameras, not guns) while the other keeps an eye on said shooter. Well, our evening ended without incident, although we both commented that next time, we will bring a third and one of us will spot the others.

So, today, not heeding my own warning, I went out shooting again at lunchtime, without a spotter. A commotion occurred due to my lack of vigilance: I was run over by a kid riding a two-wheeler with training wheels. He had careened out of control and was far ahead of his German au pair. He aimed his lethal Shwinn right towards me. I didn't see him as I was shooting a photo of a pretty flower. All of a sudden, my ankle felt like someone had stepped on it. I said "ouch!" I turned, and an almost toothless six-year-old looked up at me and said "thorry." I said I was ok, but the German au pair began to apologize as well.

The kid on the Shwinn of doom careened away, undoubtedly aiming for another innocent soul in his bike ride of horror. I dragged myself back to work, looking forward to telling people that I got run over...by a kid on training wheels. I'm trying to milk it for all it's worth. I'm fine actually. I have a welt on my ankle and my skin is scraped, but otherwise, I am fine.

So, if you'd like to be a photographer's spotter, please let me know.

Agatestone

Hip hop music.

2007-07-17T00:41:00.000-05:00

So, I was asleep. Sound asleep. Suddenly, a weird sound woke me up. It sounded like hip hop music and I was scared. Where was it coming from? Then, it happened again. I realized that the hip hop sound was coming from my stomach. I had gone to bed hungry and my stomach was growling. And the growling sounded like hip hop music.

I'm tired. I'm hungry. I don't want to get up to eat. I don't want to negate the effects of my evening's workout.

I supposed I could get a bowl of cereal. But, it's 1:46 am and I just don't feel like eating. Maybe I'll just try sleeping again.

Nubs.

2007-07-16T17:12:00.000-05:00

I love the word "nub." It's so useful.

For example:

I have nubby fingernails.

I think the Mini Cooper is a nubby looking car.

Baby carrots are nubby (and as a carrot disliker, I must say that they are also unpleasant, but less unpleasant than regular sized carrots due to their nubbiness.)

It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys!

2007-07-15T21:55:00.000-05:00

I can't imagine that a barrel of monkeys would be fun at all...especially for the monkeys. I think that it would be horrific. If one were to fill a barrel of monkeys, I believe that mayhem, including fighting and biting, would ensue.

Please think before you exclaim that your picnic, the raquetball tournament, the competitive pizza tossing toss-off, whatever you're interested in, was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. It's unfair to the monkeys.

I wish...

2007-07-11T18:21:00.000-05:00

that I had something of interest to talk about. I do not. So, I will talk about more of my favorite things in the world:

1) The pint of raspberries I bought last night at Whole Foods.

2) Whole Foods

3) The scent of the morning air.

4) The Chocolate Pudding Cake I made on July 4th.

5) My new flowy scarf that my sister helped me pick out one day while we were shopping and my shoulders got cold.

6) Chocolate Sorbet.

7) My new socks.

8) Buttered noodles

9) Grapes.

10) Butterflies.

11) Lime Sorbet.

12) The Mourning Dove in the backyard with the extra beat to his coo. Just when you think he's done with his current two-beat coo, he sneaks in another quick one beat. I think there is a possibility that he likes jazz.

13) Biographies.

Wonder.

2007-07-05T19:10:00.001-05:00

I just witnessed this beauty of nature:

Fairies

2007-07-03T17:30:00.001-05:00

Here's one of Ann Arbor's famous Fairy Doors. My sister spotted me whilst I lay on the ground taking this photo. There are supposedly quite a few around town. I believe we've only seen two so far.

See this link here for more on Fairy Doors.

Seriously, do you really think I'm that stupid?

2007-07-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

The scene:

An outdoor table earlier today at at cafe in Arbor.

The characters

Agatestone and The Breakfast Czar.

Scene 1

Agatestone

"So Breakfast Czar, how many of my Cranbrook photos do you think I could get on one DVD?"

Breakfast Czar

"I am sure you could get an entire Cranbrook trip, which you said was roughly 60 photos, on a DVD."

Agatestone

"But what if I don't go to Cranbrook? What if I go to Meadowbrook instead? How many of those photos will I be able to get on a disk?"

This is when all hell breaks loose. The Breakfast Czar actually begins to explain that regardless of what I photograph or where I go to take photographs, I will still be able to get over 60 photos on a disk. My dear sister honestly thought I was that stupid and didn't realize I was joking!

I would love to take this skit on the road and perform it for unsuspecting relatives and friends. We talked about it but realized that there is no way we'd be able to keep straight faces. Yes, I would play the fool, but I think we could get a lot of laughs out of it.

After grilling her about her motivation, she pointed out that as a computer consultant, she gets countless stupid questions and she is desensitized enough that she just answers them without making any sort of verbal judgment, like "Gee Agatestone, you are a complete moron."

Friday confession.

2007-06-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

Is it weird that I own 18 lip glosses, including 9 that are not even yet open? Speaking of that, if you'd like a mango, vanilla or cotton candy flavored lip gloss, please let me know. I recently purchased an eight-pack, but I only like five of the flavors. I haven't even opened the packaging yet, but I can assure you that I will not even try the mango, vanilla or cotton candy. But you, dear reader, are more than welcome to them.

I really have nothing else to confess. My conscience is clear, for now. I'm sure I'll think of something and of course I will let you know, dear reader.

Oh wait, there is one other thing, but it's not a confession, just an anecdote:

I am dog-sitting for a friendly oversized miniature schnauzer who I discovered does not know how to spoon accurately when sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night. The dog was plastered to me, indicated proper dog spooning. Yet, her butt was in my face and her head was propped on my legs. I turned her rightways, with her head near my head, but when I awoke this morning, she had obviously turned herself around whilst I slept, as her butt was again in my face. Actually, as my eyesight is not the greatest, it took me a moment to focus as I wasn't sure what was in my face, her head or her butt. But, as my eyes became acclimated to the morning, I realized the horror of the situation.

Tonight, her training her begins.

Edited to add:

2007-06-11T08:27:00.000-05:00

In my previous post, I lauded the cuteness of the green-dyed Poodle puppy. I want to add that I just came face to face with a pink-dyed Pomeranian and I must say: Dyed Poodle=Cute. Dyed Pomeranian=Not so cute.